Letter from God to Mr. Darwin, Einstein and other fouling memory
Gentlemen
You make me laugh with your great theories. Darwin to Einstein through the Catholic canon or Fred Lemaitre Loye, you swamp us with your findings on the creation of the world. So like that, the genesis of our Bible is a crock? But what your bigoted scientists can not understand is that the holy scriptures, especially the older ones, are only images.
Let me digress film, the black screen of my white paradise. This argument has already been subtly used by Raoul Volfoni with Madame Mado in the barge. Remember, the eldest of the brothers Volfoni invited its shareholders to no longer do the "hustler" to the successor of the Mexican. "The sidewalk, the hustler, you'd qu'tu looking for words that hurt," replied, hurt, Mrs. Mado. "These are images," he said wisely understand Mr. Raoul. Well the Pentateteuque in six days, Eden, Adam's rib, apple, apple juice and the whole shebang, they are also images, name myself.
Also, did you at least asked this question: If there is Big Bang, then what was there before the gas explosion and smoky? You can say anything, do anything, calculate, you will always return the same starting point: It took a hen to make an egg, unless it is the reverse. And myself, what could I do well before the creation of the world? That's true indeed, what was I doing? Ah, memory as they age ..
However, liked to recall Lecanuet, Guy Mollet, then, after them, Francois Bayrou, nothing is easy! There's not that black and white! y 'nuances. Genesis, I made a summary for a bit basic rustic shepherds of Judea. I told them all the same story blown thirteen centuries before I send you my son. It n'y'avait or facebook or google news: Should be in the works! No way to talk about atom of matter, huge explosion, similar to millions of atomic bombs. The ancestors of Solomon did not even know Hiroshima my loves. That is to say ...
Paris was not built in a day, then the universe, you think! I had the idea to bring it in a week just to keep my Sundays free. No TV to watch football, but just to make space. And then, as might have said Jean d'Ormesson, life is a miracle, a harmony. So I prefer to talk nicely. For example, the sun and the moon: "There was evening and there was morning. And I said, that there be lights in the firmament of heaven to separate day and night. " It's beautiful, right? Looks like St. Exupery.
(1) One of the Tontons gunslingers for the most uneducated readers
It was still another story that your mouth explosion of matter heated thermostat five billion degrees of elementary particles, neutrons, protons or helium nuclei, I will pass and the worst!
No, believe me, you can always try, you will not find! Myself, I do not remember very well my chemical formula. And so much the better, when we see the result! As with everything, creating the world deserves an empirical approach. And as another said, things LEAD things, the widget created the widget, there's no chance!
And then, do not take everything literally. Severe because they screwed up the Hebrew. It's great oral tradition, but it is as fragile as Arabic or phone human testimony .. Because for the genesis, fine, they almost remember what I said. But where it goes bad, it was after. Instead of demanding a right of reply, I sent my offspring to sort in bowling, as the text of Exodus, Leviticus Numbers and Deuteronomy are not really reliable. It means nothing to you all this? let me refresh your memory: the snake, the Flood, Noah, the Tower of Babel, Moses, the Exodus, the plagues of Egypt, you always say it does nothing maybe?
Well, I can tell you there is to eat and drink in all these stories. There are days when I'm not far from agreeing with Descartes and Montesquieu. The Bible is not infallible, and certainly not the Pentateuch. My son moreover clearly taken its distances during his 33 years in your crazy world.
Well, at random, the Ark of Noah. I was told that, furious wickedness and perversity of men, I decided to bring down a deluge to destroy the earth until all traces of life. It is true that human stupidity, of making war when a stranger approached, I began to break the pocket. I had a sudden urge to break the most stupid, disperse them in small pieces, so the puzzle. But to nuke my creation, do not push granny Nor in the nettles. I have looked evil in the world with empty hands!
No, the story of Noah's ark is simpler. She would have liked to Al Gore or Nicolas Hulot. In fact, it is quite simply a case of global warming. Adjust the thermostat is that the sun is not so obvious. Then there was a slight blow hot and glaciers have melted like ice in the sun for a pastis de Marseille.
I took the opportunity to sort and select around the least rotten humans. I made a stunt Noah. He did not pay mine, but it was really a good guy. Solid, quiet and handy with that! Before the tsunami equinox, I refourgué Tabarly my plans at the time of a ship 137 meters long. It may be better than a monohull of the Vendee Globe, but not enough to take the whole menagerie land. Then, of Noah, y 'was everywhere.
It has to clean, but there's not been as doves out of the arches. It remains between us: We also saw flights of crows, black as the eye after the last hangman Badinter's speech to the Assembly.
All that to say that I struggled to control what was written about me. There's Moses who had the meaning of the phrase and concise with the tables of the law. It would have made a good journalist. But later, it began to drift serious!
Hence the idea of sending my son. That's where the archangel Gabriel scene, a sword, Cador, but an arrant Judas too. Him, he managed to overtake me like a bruise. To my knowledge, this is even the first agent Double world.
I took it as a simple press. But as always in the community ', he wanted to fart higher than his ass. At first, with the Abrahamic Old Testament, it was okay, no frills. Clever as a monkey Gabriel! Suddenly, he is the one I chose to trust a real mission: to announce to Mary that she was pregnant with my son.
A concept not easy to sell, especially for a girl of good family, austere and monastic. "But I swear sir, I have not slept with a boy! "She retorted the archangel. A dialogue that I deleted from the Bible to pass it to Maria Theresa in Life Is a Long Quiet River. And then he had to calm Joseph, the carpenter, what was the kind jalmince!
It was after Gabriel was taken by delusions of grandeur. A drag force in East Jerusalem, drinking green tea and smoking hashish with the Palestinians, he has completely blown a cable! Without saying anything, he chose to tell the same story to a Bedouin quite respectable, Muhammad. He revealed verses of the Koran, embroidering quite heavily on my life. Sacred Gabriel you burn my mind, your love strangles my life
And hell, became as a hope .. Oh, over, over for me. I do not want to see my image in your eyes.
What I kidding myself? In short, here we are with three gods for the price of one! Sure what millennia of wars of religion, fundamentalist, crazy myself! Especially as Mohammed, he could neither read nor write. So naturally, some of his companions were a bit all arranged according to their desires for the future political, well land them, as did some evangelists.
And then began the Qur'an to travel by snatches of sentences, written on the bones of camels. Like downloading, it is faster and more reliable! So, the file has undergone some changes. "
Sacred Gabriel! That did not stop to pay a golden statue on top of Mont Saint-Michel. I could never deny the bullshit of this James Bond Levantine. And then, finally, divide and conquer, it has been proven!
Speaking of the Scriptures, did you know that the New Testament was born of a misunderstanding? No? Well I'll tell you this inspiring story: When my son brought the cross on the Via Dolorosa, I'm down on earth incognito. History of moral support because I had not planned it skids like that. That's where I met the old Jacob.
He said, "It's awful stuff. And plus my son has converted. He became a Christian. Provided it does not end like this Jesus. "
I tried to comfort him by telling him that I, too, my son had converted.
"And what do you do? "Asked the old Jacob
" New Testament "did I answer without thinking too much.
is stupid, eh ?
I told you about the genesis and my son, short of the past. But the future me so many problems, among the Maya that we provide the world's end in 2012, the ayatollahs of ecology that you are all dying of heat in 2050 (it being, for the 4x4, you could blunder ). And I do not mean that illuminated Nostradamus, Fatima and her secrets, or who Machale of St. Benedict is the last pope before the successor of Peter. He called Peter, he would be responsible for closing the shop, make a final inventory before closing.
Well, I start with that? The Mayans? Basically, these brave Mexican natives, like the Aztecs, the Spaniards were thoroughly massacred in my name, expect that you will all roast in the flames of hell December 21, 2012. And thank you to the twisted mind of me not to say that 2012 is also the ending of Sarkozy ...
And why December 21, 2012? Reading in their chocolate marc, the Maya saw this: "One day some stars will come together in a single row, as has already happened there thousands of years. Obvious sign of many impending disasters.
I can not assure you that the Maya were not also a little smoky. The fact is that this famous alignment of stars "in a single row" is scheduled Dec. 21, 2012. I would not overdo it, but it is true that at sunrise on December 21, 2012, and for the first time in 26,000 years the sun will reach the intersection of the Milky Way and the ecliptic plane. This cosmic cross is considered by all enlightened as an incarnation of the Sacred Tree, the Tree of Life, a tree found in all the world's spiritual traditions. At this time our planet is supposed to perform very violent earthquakes terribly devastating ...
It fucks chips, eh? Wait, I better. Cartesian scientific minds and get involved! According to them, solar activity has never been stronger and reached its peak in ... 2012. The most celebrated scientists from CNRS and NASA's explanation that the solar wind will hit the Earth next. It will not fix our business climate that! In addition, these same skulls egg ensure that the magnetic field will weaken. They are supposed to protect us from solar winds ... The sun Will you strike down its wind in 2012? Uh huh. Interesting closer to the Mayans whose God was the Sun, exactly.
The Mayans, it was hardly the kind to back screaming in chorus Nicoletta's death that "he died, the sun." Nicoletta sacred ...
Anyway, I'd be you, I am you do, wait 22 December 2012 to make my Christmas presents, so as not to ruin you for nothing. Because 2012 was successful in all of the manic end of the world. Judge for yourself: The Hopi Indians are on this day a great purification of Earth, Nostradamus speaks of a devastating asteroid, Chinese Yi Jing to see the end of the story, Edgar Cayce predicted the return of Atlantis, Albert Einstein warned us of a reversal of the geomagnetic polarity, etc..
And you're never more betrayed by his own family, Saint Malachy predicted that there will be only after the last Pope Benedict XVI. Since the panzer cardinal did not look like a century old, it could put us out of Peter II white smoke ... in 2012.
A good guy yet this Malachi. He was even abbot of Bangor in 1123. Ah, Bangor, Belle-ile-en-Mer Marie-Galante, yes except that it was the Bangor Irish.
Well, you would like to know if it's worth it to open a savings scheme for housing after 2012? I have no sympathy for bankers and wear, but go for it. There will be a Christmas 2012 and a hangover on 1 January 2013, I will put my hand in the fire of all the solar wind. Not to mention Jean-Francois Cope who is preparing for the 2017 presidential election!
¿And after And after, that's my business! Judgement Day is my business. The trial date is not fixed.
I leave you to your Mayans, Nostradamus, Fatima and al. Not to mention the scientists who not only want me sweeten my genesis with their big bang, but also deprive me of my loose doomsday with their latest find, the big crunch.
And yes, gentlemen of the fouling of memory, Darwin, Einstein and company have had children. And their offspring to tell us that after the big bang, our universe will contract in 50 billion years. And say, without laughing, that galaxies move closer, vireront from red to blue. Then, a release of its extreme heat induced melting of the entire mass of the universe and its collapse; And why not the Apocalypse while they are there ¿They have not read St. John, the uneducated! In any event, there will be a long time that the sun has passed away, then their big crunch, who cares.
I tell you, keep an ear to listen to all these clowns of the end of time. Besides, if Kierkegaard is closer, "It happened that the fire started in the backstage of a theater ... The clown came to warn the public: we thought he was doing and we applaud the spirit he insisted ... ; we laughed heartily; Thus, I think, that will perish the World: in the general joy of spiritual people who believe it was a joke ... "
And I quietly set the date of the end times ...
God's words have been piously collected Maître FOLAC, notary Lower Loire, and transcribed with the nonchalance and the spirit of fun and impulsive that she knows. 
